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Self love is a hot topic these days. The reason it’s so emphasized is because it is becoming increasingly obvious that the majority of us are falling a little low on the self love meter. Do you know where you fall on the SELF LOVE METER? First we will chat about 3 ways to measure our sexiest commodity and then we will talk about ways to fill our reservoir.
Here are the 3 ways to measure our self love meter…
First of all, take a deep breath and really think about how you are feeling. Are you relaxed? Tense? Happy? Irritable? The first step in tapping into our self love potential is to truly get to know ourselves. We are often too busy focusing on everything else that we forget to check in with ourselves, “hi Self, how the heck are you!?” Once we are aware of our thoughts, sensations and reactions we can nurture ourselves in a much needed way and bring back the love!
Alright, let’s dive in…
1. SELF TALK
The first and quite possibly the most important measure of self love is our inner voice? Let’s call him Mr. Stifle. Mr. Stifle tends to be a nay-sayer and prefers that we don’t recognize how great we truly are so he can dominate. How often do you hear him utter, “nice butt sunshine!”, or “you’re a smart cookie, you should give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done?” My guess, is not often enough! Unfortunately, Mr. Stifle is a product of our modern world and isn’t going anywhere due to the the popularity of social media, advertising and technology. There’s competition for EVERYTHING on the planet. Have you ever had to choose a white paint? It’s bloody ridiculous. We are often left feeling overwhelmed and chasing an impossible perfection. Desiring health, confidence and self growth is definitely healthy but no one can be perfect, not even Blake Lively! Okay, well maybe.
The GOOD NEWS…
Mr. Stifle has an alter ego and when the conditions are right, Mr. Stifle becomes Mrs. Shine Bright. She has the power to replace Stifle’s negative belief system with her super-resilient ‘I can do all things’ belief system. You know, the one you had on the playground. What are these conditions? Well, they’re simply a recipe of a healthy inner ecology and healthy self esteem. These potent self-love ingredients create resilience and are achieved by nourishing your body with healing foods, establishing a balanced self care protocol (read below), and practising positive feedback. Feedback such as replacing the thought, ‘I can’t believe I just said that, I sounded like such a dweeb’, with a positive truth, ‘I am a good person and have friends and family that think I’m pretty great’. You can literally train your SELF TALK to build self worth AKA self love. Just like training our muscles, we need to make it a part of our regular routine.
Now let’s chat about that nasty thing known as judgement. Well, it’s actually not intended to be nasty. It’s an innate form of survival that naturally comes from a place of fear because it helps us recognize potential threats. It is how we are able to assess plants, animals, people, and situations as either safe or dangerous. But when does judgement become detrimental to our health? Answer: When it doesn’t serve us in any way whatsoever and creates a feeling of inadequacy. Recognizing that every judgement you place upon yourself or another person comes from fear, is the first step in creating a positive environment for yourself and anyone that enters your circle of life.
Next time you think nasty things about yourself or someone else, stop and ask if you are thinking any of these fear-based thoughts:
Am I feeling I could never be capable of achieving what that person has?
Do I feel that someone could hurt me emotionally or physically?
Does this person have the ability to take something from me that I love, want or need?
Do I have little or no understanding of why someone would choose to live a certain way and therefore assume they are weak or broken in some way? And feel that since everyone else is “judging” them I should too? Otherwise, I will also be judged.
Chances are high that if you’re analyzing and critiquing other people, you are also doing it to numero uno. Self-judgement is the most subtle of the 3 self love meters because you barely notice when it’s happening. You’re very stealth! The reality is that, even at our best, we are always going to yearn for more and that is actually a good thing! It is healthy and progressive to want more for ourselves and when we accomplish things that make us feel a sense of purpose, we fill our self-love reservoir. What we need to be conscious of is if these desires are motivating us or stopping us from achieving things we are meant to. Do your thoughts stop you from being your authentic self?
3. SELF CARE
How you treat your temple is a direct reflection of how you are feeling towards yourself. When we are in a healthy, positive mind frame, we are energized and ready to conquer the world. Self love is high and things don’t affect us quite as much as when we are in a state of uncertainty, grief, anxiety or resentment. When treading through tough waters we often turn to things that comfort us such as food, alcohol, smoking, sex, or drugs (prescription or street). Your “vice” can be something that you visit now and again or dabble in on the daily. The difference between a healthy release and a bad habit is how it affects you physically and spiritually. In some cases, you may need to speak to a professional (which is admirable in my books), but a great place to start is by making changes where you can.
How do your sources of comfort really make you feel?
Are you frequently riddled with guilt because yet again you are hung over? Or did you devour the whole block of chocolate again? What habits do you have that are damaging to your health and self-respect?
Do you often feel depressed, anxious or irritable for no apparent reason? This is often a sign of trapped emotions and it’s time to dig deep.
How are you bowel movements? Yes, I’m serious. I often ask this of people because it helps to see the bigger picture. If you’re constipated, you will most certainly have a toxic burden that needs tending to through diet and supplementation (rarely mechanical) and if you are the opposite and can barely make it to the loo fast enough, it’s time to again take a look at your diet and perhaps create a stress management plan. Of course every case is different but looking at pooh is a great investigative tool to your health. I could talk for hours about this! If you want me to do a blog on pooh, comment below!
Of course there will always be things that happen that are out of our control and create feelings of stress and inadequacy. But what we can control are triggers such as a toxic diet, excess caffeine, work, family, and relationships. When you identify your stress triggers, and then further identify the harmful ways you cope with those triggers, it’s easier to make a plan to lessen or even completely dissolve the problem. Even if you’ve coped in a certain way for years, it’s never too late to change. Trust me, I did it and so can you!
I recently had a chat with someone who said they drink about 10 standard drinks after work every day. I asked if he was wanting to make a change and his response was that he is too old. It is true that the older we get the harder it is to change and it all comes back to fear of the unknown. Would you rather be too scared to jump or too scared to move!? You are your only advocate in this life so wo/man up and make a plan to kick bad habits to the curb! No one is going to do it for you. The AWESOME thing is that the SECOND you make one good choice, EVERYTHING gets better. There’s a great saying I love, You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great. Bring that 10 pack down to a 6 pack and you’ll be surprised what happens next. Maybe you’ll start taking the dog for a walk every morning and before you know it, you’ve lost 10 kgs and then you decide to join the gym and before you know it, you look better than you did 10 years ago! Talk about a major boost on the SELF LOVE meter! Happens all the time, why not for you?
Ways to fill your SELF LOVE reservoir:
Introduce healthy, calming rituals such as: yoga, stretching, running, meditation, listening to music, drawing, reading, burning incense, bathing in essential oils and drinking herbal tea. There are many free apps that can guide your sessions. I love the Calm App for meditation and I can not live without my lavender room spray. All of these rituals create self-awareness and with greater awareness you will hear Mr. Stifle very clearly and quickly be able to shoot him down. Another bonus is that when you are busy being centered and healthy, there’s no time for self destructive behaviour.
Practice Gratitude – remind yourself how lucky you are to be alive, fed and loved. It really is a privilege to live the life you have! Start a journal or even list of 5 things in your mind as you drift off to sleep every night. The power of gratitude is extremely underrated until you do it for yourself. I dare you to do it for 10 days in a row and tell me you don’t feel happier.
Pump up your SELF LOVE muscle – every time Mr. Stifle pipes up (man he is relentless) by giving Mrs. Bright Light the last word. For example, you’re at the gym and spot a bit of back fat in the mirror. Mr. Stifle says, “Everyone is looking at your back fat, how disgusting” and Mrs. Bright Light politely follows that with, “Look at your perfect form, that back fat will be gone in no time!”
Leave toxic relationships behind – if you find you are constantly feeling drained by someone then leave them in the past. They aren’t a part of your true self and are holding you back from progressing towards GREATNESS. If this is someone you can’t permanently escape (family), limit your time with them and leave your judgements behind. The reality is no two people think alike and just because we view the world differently doesn’t mean any is better or worse. You also need to stay open to the idea that perhaps behaviours you despise (judge) in someone else could be a direct reflection of yourself. I definitely believe in the theory of mirroring. Guilty!
At the end of the day we need to feel like we are living with integrity and to our full potential. This creates SELF RESPECT (SELF LOVE’S sister), and is a necessity to happiness and truly loving ourselves. Knowing what integrity means to us as an individual can only come from digging deep so ask yourself, ‘what is important to me’? Continue asking yourself, “WHY” and when you can’t ask any further you’ll know what your soul really yearns for. Most of us just need to feel a purpose in life. And when we live in alignment with that purpose, self love flows abundantly.
Were you able to identify with any of these behaviours or learn ways you can vamp up your SELF LOVE meter? I’d love to hear from you!
In Love and Health,
If you liked this blog, please feel free to forward it to someone you care about or share to social media. We can all do with a little more love!